Rejoicing in my Imperfections?

family, Life as it is, Mistakes, Spiritual Journey, Vulnerability

I found a note in some old writing of mine that says, “If I ever figure out how to celebrate my imperfections, why, I could have a life of constant celebration.”

My inner critic has really been kicking up a storm lately. I was complaining to someone about how I broke a promise to my son to run an errand for him tonight, and that my teen aged daughter was having an emotional meltdown concerning the telephone. I found myself yearning to be a better dad than I am, and to have better skills than I have, and be better organized than I am.

This is the point where I usually will excuse myself for a short self-pity break. Then I came across this brief story in some of my old journals:

A man visited his Rabbi. He sat and said that he had spent his life trying to live according to what the Rabbi taught, but after all these years he had gained nothing. He was still an ignorant and foolish man. The Rabbi turned to him and said, ”But you have gained an awareness that you are ignorant and foolish, and that is something.”

And now, things are still the same in my home. It is hard to be a single father of two teens. It is hard to stay organized and work like i do and also have my own hobby and life. And I have spent a lot of time working and studying and learning and trying and counseling and being counseled and still I am not the father and man I want to be. No matter how long it seems I have been traveling this road, I am just not there yet.

But, I have gained an awareness of the fact that I am not yet the man I want to be. And that awareness of my imperfections is something of value. And it must really be something too, because i can almost catch a glimmer of what it is to celebrate my imperfections and that there is such a well-perceived gap between who I am and who I want to be.

Tonight I celebrate my imperfections. Tomorrow, I will continue my journey. Who will join me in the party and the adventure?


2 Responses

  1. Solburn says:

    Rock on Crossmage! You will persevere and your children will, later in life, at some point, celebrate all that you have done for them instead of all the things your are not doing for them. I am a child who is/was lucky enough to understand many of the things my parents have done and are doing for me.

  2. Margaret says:

    Why, I’ll gladly join you, James. As someone, well, actually one of the only people, who knows my imperfections as completely as you do and is still willing to call me friend…I would pretty much follow you anywhere, and be your biggest cheerleader for your own success every step of the way. Hang in there with your teens. You are one of the bravest single fathers I know. And all the insanity? This too shall pass.

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